Learning to Let Go
“Ioana!!! Let gooooo!!!” quote of my Kitesurfing teacher… Quite a deep statement, isn’t it? Well, the teacher just meant me letting go of the bar, because if things tend to get shaky while Kitesurfing (or trying to do so in my case), the first step is to let go of the bar, controlling the kite. This will either give it the chance to stabilize in the air by itself, or crash into the water, thus deescalating the situation. Little did he know that he just put my life’s struggle into words.
That thing with letting go… it’s one of the most complicated things to do. For me, it means to stop trying to control what is happening. It also means trusting the advice you receive and that something, somebody, or some form of higher instance if you want, will deescalate the situation, allowing things to find their due course and keeping you from harm. It means giving away the struggle and allowing a state of receiving, by letting go of the active role and switching into the role of a passive observer. And here is the essence of the things: letting go, means giving away the control and giving in to trust. And trust is a tricky matter…
In order for us, as human beings to trust (into) something, we need to feel safe. This safe feeling can either originate out of the pure sense of basic trust – some people just seem to walk through the world with an open heart, just knowing almost instinctively that they are safe and guided – or it can originate out of positive experiences – “I know that I am safe because nothing ever broke my trust”. Now, if you do not belong to the lucky few, owning that almost primordial sense of basic trust and if you did not go through the world, just feeling safe at all times, how can you restore lost trust? How can you learn to let go, stop cringing into something, allowing things to happen in their own time, space, and course?
I’ve found out, that one of the ways of (re)learning trust, is by keep on experiencing unknown and unpredictable situations – e.g. “I’m going to a Kitesurfing course” (which by the way came after “I’m doing a pilot’s license”, ”I’m becoming a yoga teacher” and “I’m quitting my well-paid job to backpack through India”, to just name a recent few…. Well, some of us just seem to need more time and lessons than others…). When you break loose from the routine and your known environment, you have to give away the sense of control. You believe that no matter how crazy that adventure might sound, you will get out of it alive and will hopefully also have some fun in the process. You stop knowing and start trusting. You let go – of expectations, of your ego (meaning how YOU want things to be), of you just constantly being on top of things – and organically trust yourself into the world. You trust, that although you are letting go all you know, you will be safe.
Obviously, you can also “trick” the process, for the more experienced you are, the more you learn to “feel” what is safe and which controlled risks you may take. And this is by no means wrong! Experience is there for a reason and the things we learned are there to try to keep us safe. However, the real magic happens during the moments when you cannot rely on your experience, when you reach your borders, become aware of them and through this awareness, decide to cross them. For when you identify and cross your borders, you grow. By trusting in letting yourself (meaning your known self) go, you grow. At the same time, by letting go and experiencing that this can feel safe, you learn to trust again. You stop needing to be in control, because you accept that something or somebody knows better how to keep you safe.
That being said… I’m off practicing letting the bar go 😉