Come as You Are…
If this post would have been written last year (i.e. 2023) it would have had a different name and a different vibe. It came to be as the first present of the new year. It only began to manifest itself after finding the time and space to feel, flow, and move differently.
Last year was a lot about doing, creating, regrouping, and finding new ways. And as valuable new beginnings might be, the action of starting anew leaves little to no space for quiet introspection. After a storm, water needs time to gain clarity and reveal the depths. And obviously, I’ve only found the time to (let things) settle now. This year started in the quiet and peace that naturally emerged after the storm, revealing authenticity, simplicity and keeping me obsessing about this title for days.
What does it take to come as you are, without the make-up, the masks, the limitations and the constrains? How can you show up as what you were meant to be before the whole world came in? What is the recipe to unapologetically being your true self in a space that is getting flooded by filters, restrictions, and expectation? Where is the line between authenticity and anarchy and how can society work if everybody comes as they are? All big questions… I’ve obviously had plenty of time to think about this…
To clarify the point on anarchy first… I deeply believe that our true human nature is good. Call me naïve if you want… I’ve also learned that the world is not always a place filled with good intentions. We sometimes sadly lose ourselves within the masks we carry all the time. But looking back to the far past of humanity, still present in the few reclused indigenous tribes on earth, at the times when we were hunters and gatherers, we all were authentic while still living in community. Our survival seems to have depended on this expression of authenticity in community. Obviously, there were rules in place to protect the community (don’t steal, don’t kill, don’t lie, …) but those rules did not extent to how exactly an individual should be(have) at any given place and time. The deeper sense of goodness for oneself and the community was probably enough. I am not trying to say we should all go back and live in caves. I am only trying to find a reasonable explanation to my feeling that we should be able to be authentic while still being part of a community.
And coming back to the goodness for oneself, this seems to be a key point of my theory. When I am aware that I am worthy of something good (i.e. peace of mind, love, being authentic, belonging to a community, …) I will allow the same goodness for my peers. Now again, it might be me being too naïve, but the way I see it, when I honour and love myself in my authenticity, I will allow the same freedom in others, since I know just how valuable it is.
Obviously, there are borders to that freedom. However, if I am aware where my borders are and can honestly, respectfully, and authentically express them to others, they should not lead to the need for masks, filters, and limiting believes. What I’ve come to realize more and more these days is that certain limitations (don’t do this is “inappropriate”, don’t be in a certain way it is “too much”), especially the very general ones, have more to do with the person expressing them and not with the other human doing something. And a way I’ve found to separate the one from another is by asking myself (and sometimes the one setting the rule) the honest question “is my behaviour going against the general wellbeing or am I triggering something in one individual?”. Constantly going against the community wellbeing might lead to not being accepted by it anymore (which also carries the underlying question if I want or need to be in a specific group where I am not accepted in my authenticity). Constantly being triggered by different individuals showing one pattern could lead to some serious introspection on why this pattern is disturbing for myself. Either way the concept of authenticity seems to be the real thing (pun intended).
While I obviously haven’t figured out all the facets of the concept yet, I promised myself that this year’s motto will be “come as you are”. I will try to allow others to come as they are and celebrate their authenticity, try to respectfully, openly, and authentically communicate when my borders are being crossed and try to bring myself as I am to the world. And I need to admit this is scarry. Because being authentical also means being vulnerable. Showing up as your true self also opens doors for criticism and judgment. It requires a huge amount of self-love, self-honouring and honest introspection to know what I am all about and why am I doing what am I doing (to myself). Allowing authenticity for others also boils down to similar values: celebrating differences while staying true to oneself, honouring one’s own borders, and respecting the freedom of others. Living in authenticity means accepting that your tribe decides your vibe, thus understanding that some tribes cannot vibe with your true self and standing up to this knowledge.
2024, come as you are, and I will vibe with you…