The Pledge of Authenticity
As we evolve towards maturity from childhood, we (should) learn to balance two basic human needs: the (social) need of belonging and the (individual) need for authenticity. The normal human development should lead us from (co)dependency (or the enmeshment and lack of boundaries) in childhood, as a basic survival mechanism to interdependency (or respect for the individual, her/ his boundaries and authenticity) in adulthood. That was a hard start. Please bear with me while I try to explain my point.
We do not always have the option of authenticity in our early years. We depend on our caregivers for survival. And survival is probably our strongest mechanism. We learn to (more or less) bend our authenticity and bow in front of the external rules. We follow this raw instinct, pushing us into keeping the connection at all cost.
At a certain point in our development, we could (should) start asking the big questions… What do I want? Who am I really? What is important for me? What makes me happy? And probably the most important question of all: With what tribe do I want to vibe?
Why is this “tribe” question big? Because this ideally allows us living the authenticity without compromising the need for belonging. Awesome, isn’t it? Getting to be the embodiment of your full authentic form and being accepted and cherished in this unique expression of all that you are.
Wait is this even possible??? How about the society??? There are rules and states and unwritten principles and…
Well yes, yes, and yes. This is not going to turn into an anarchy post. We are all on the same “playground” and accept the basic rules. And… the fast-paced world we live in, taught us that we can constantly expect others to do something for ourselves. Or we constantly see that there is no differentiation, that everything (and everybody) is always available (for anything we might want) and we are entitled to instant gratification if we behave like other expect us to. Or worse that we should fear being “expelled” (or shamed, or criticized, or…) if we dare to be different and question the status quo.
Authenticity might come with a high price. Historically seen, we could only survive, develop, and thrive as human individuals with the support and acceptance of the societal structures. Easy to understand why it is so tempting to replace one form of (maybe) justified dependency from childhood with codependency in adulthood. It might really make sense to place our bet on belonging, risking to lose the authenticity in the process. Doing what everybody does might seem “comfortable” and “the right thing to do” . And before I also fall into the “no differentiation” trap of this confusing framework… I want to remind you that there is always a choice. Everybody gets to choose a tribe.
So, my choice goes to the authentic tribe. For they are the ones that showed me what magic lies in going the extra mile, rising above the chaos, and keeping the focus when the picture gets blurry. They are the brave ones, following their inner compass speaking the truth regardless of what others might demand from them. The ones you can turn to when the earth slips from underneath your feet, knowing they will ground you, for they are already deeply rooted in their own essence. The ones carrying the spark, that can always relight the fire fading under the doubt. The ones not being afraid to walk their walk alone, until a worthy tribe will know how to embrace their fullest expression.
I can pursue my authenticity, knowing that You also pledged allegiance to Your own authenticity, and that You will unapologetically stay true to Your oath. Every time the doubt will try to get the best of me, threatening to diffuse me in the surrounding noise, the force of Your example will guide me back to myself.